Split Parents
Struggling from having separated parents has been a staple in my life. Dealing with some of the consequences has proven difficult and continue to have lasting effects to this day. From balancing your time management to understanding emotional needs, split parents prove to challenge children in many aspects. In my writings below are just a few instances of some of my experiences and how I have either dealt with them or continue to deal with them in my life. Do not feel unusual to have unsolved problems, conflicts, or struggles, you are not alone. My experiences are here to hopefully shed some light and relate to other children who have struggled with similar circumstances.
1. Relationships — Family, Friends, Partners
Through my time of having to share weekends, holidays, birthdays, and other important events, maintaining relationships was draining. Specifically, having to maximize the time spent at each location on a holiday was intensely grueling. Between travel time and rushing the conclusion of an event to then leave to visit another has slowly numbed the importance of what the events are supposed to represent, love. Consistently choosing between each side of my family has caused me to choose neither as I got older. It has sort of put myself in a mindset of ‘going with the flow’ or not putting effort into spending time with loved ones. These feelings have spurred to my family, friends, partners, and even work relationships. I believe this is the worst downside that comes with having split parents at a young age. To this day, I am attempting to better myself to have a positive approach on how I spend my time, truly putting forth the effort to maintain the relationships for those who care about me. If you have ever struggled with this, you know that it can be difficult to feel like you have the quality time to spare someone. I encourage you to reach out first and initiate get togethers or dinner’s with those you know are special in your life. Capitalize on the time we have.
2. Mediation — Pleasing Everyone, Pleases No One
Needless to say, trying to play mediator and please everyone, ends up pleasing no one. This works hand and hand when planning your time to spend with your loved ones. Eventually you will find that sufficing's each party’s needs is not obtainable and will inevitably fail. Having occurrences of out-lash and disappointment have built onto my feeling of numbness towards my relationships and has made me become a connoisseur of taking the path of least resistance. I have found this to be a terrible quality in my everyday life, because of the opportunities that I may pass on to make sure everyone is happy. Not only is being a mediator self-inflicted damaging, but it can frustrate those around you and question your abilities. For what is it worth, if you can prevent becoming a mediator from having split parents, do so in all avenues.
3. Living Vicariously — Make Your Own Decisions
Often times we can want to make decisions that are directly influenced by either parent in hopes to live up to their expectation. Most recently, my thoughts of potentially moving states has crossed my mind and deciding my approach to breaking the news is proving difficult. If it were up to my parent, they would have me live across the street for the rest of my life. Although I love my parents and genuinely would like to see them regularly (applying my new mantra of caring about my relationships), there is a world out there to explore and enjoy. Staying in the same city with the same surroundings is not always the best life decision. Being influenced to live through my parent’s eyes is a heavy burden children with split parents must bare. Despite this being true, I can assure you that all parties will be happier if the child chooses the path that makes themselves the more happy. Succumbing to the wishes of the parents is a recipe for disaster and will always be a slippery slope of losing control of one’s life. Be free. Make your own decisions. Live the life that makes you the most whole as a person!
Thoughts and decompression: This is definitely one of my more anticipated writings, primarily as it is personal to myself. It has been a mission of mine to put my story into words and potentially connect to others who have shared a similar experience. Although its not a comprehensive take on my life, it can sum up some of the adverse effects that have occurred due to my situation. If these effects speak to you, please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences and how you have dealt/understood them.
